Setting Boundaries a.k.a Knowing Your Limits
Do you ever just come home at the end of a long day, flop down on the couch, and realize you still have a million more things to do? But you just don’t have the energy for it.
You feel drained at the idea of being a parent, a spouse, an employee, a friend. So you sit on that couch and watch Netflix while your mind whirs with stress at your perceived incapability. Yet -- you still can’t bring yourself to check off another box on your mental (or very real!) to do list.
Conversely, that list seems to get longer and longer. So we stretch ourselves to the breaking point: trying to be this limitless and perfect hero in the lives around us.
But what about being the hero of our own lives? That is where boundaries come in! According to researcher Brene Brown, a boundary is simply defined as “what is okay and what is not okay.” Boundaries are ever-evolving and are specific to each person based on their experiences, values, and beliefs.
Boundaries come in many forms, including:
Physical: relating to your personal space and your body.
Emotional: include recognizing how you relate to others and that you are not responsible for how someone feels.
Mental: thoughts and opinions specific to yourself.
Moral: relates to what aligns with your core values.
Spiritual: define your religion and your personal relationship (or lack of) to a higher power.
These are just a few examples of boundaries. The truth is, if there is an emotion or to-do list for it, there is probably a boundary should exist around it.
Learning to Set Boundaries-
We live in a day and age where we are expected to be available all the time. We live in a culture where being “nice” and “well-liked” is highly valued. But this can wreak havoc on our mental health, our physical well-being, and even our relationships. We may come to feel guilty or resentful or angry all the time -- and not know why.
Learning to set boundaries is not easy: it is a skill -- a habit -- that takes mindfulness and practice. But the good news is that there are some techniques that may help make it a little easier:
Know your limits, what works for you and what does not.
This could be work habits, eating habits, sleeping, relationships, etc.
Be okay with saying no -- and meaning it.
No is a POWERFUL word. And when we say no to things that aren’t good for us, don’t feed our souls, or cause increased stress—> we leave room for things that DON’T make us feel like CRAP.
Be honest about your expectations, and gently communicate them.
Yes, those who love you WANT to know these things. It helps us love you better.
Be confident in your decision and your expectations.
If the bullet above feels heavy and scary, start with something small and work out from there. Example- No, I don’t feel like going to get dinner tonight. I think I need to turn in early. I am feeling a little drained from the stress of the week.
LEAD with your boundaries. Communicate up front about what your expectations are.
We promise. Your relationships and experiences will be BETTER for it!
Setting boundaries means that you know your worth. When we have compassion for ourselves, we are able to extend that out into the world with open hands. It means that we respect ourselves enough to respect those around us.
Knowing your own worth is essential to living a happy and healthy life. Boundaries help us reach that goal if we remember that self-love and self-acceptance is paramount and it is not equal to how people view us. Maya Angelou once said, “We teach people how to treat us.” And that is so true.
Setting boundaries is the foundation upon which we build ourselves into the life we want.
Boundaries help to fill up our gas tank. So that couch and Netflix? It becomes something enjoyable, something you can relax around without stress and disappointment. And that to do list? It becomes something that is empowering, exciting, and fulfilling.
All because we learned to set a few boundaries!
Happy Monday! We hope you are enjoying this Memorial Day and the rest it provides!
<3 Recharged Performance Therapy
(321) 802-1630
Paige@RechargedPerformanceTherapy.com
References:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-zen/201906/boundaries-guide-making-essential-life-decisions